Many women struggle to find a positive body image. Much of the literature on body image focuses on girls and women in their teens and twenties. So, because I love the road less traveled, I decided to pursue the topic of body image in more mature women. So I asked my very favorite mid-life blogger, Maria Kelly, if I could interview her on the topic. I am so pleased that I reached out to her because I find her story and perspective very compelling.

The thing I love most about Maria’s story is how her hard-earned positive body image is connected both with past and future generations. Motherhood, in a sense, taught her much about being grateful to her body. In fact, in becoming a mother, Maria appreciated her own body as never before, applying to it the same acceptance and love that she had always felt towards her mother’s maternal body.

Below are my questions, followed by her responses.

What were some of your perceptions about over-40 women’s bodies when you were in your teens and twenties?

I think every generation faces a body fashion. The age of Sophia Loren and Marilyn Monroe must have been hard on athletic or petite-framed girls. I’m thrilled that today there seems to be a celebration at some level of all shapes and sizes (although perfection is still the aim).

In my teens, it was all a little overwhelming. My body was gaining curves and my perceived ideal body image of an older woman on TV at that time was either homely or overtly sexy. I grew up in the age of Benny Hill and I was confused by it. Firstly, was running about half-dressed really expected of women? And secondly, why wouldn’t these young women tell this silly old man to stop chasing them!? Older women on-screen looked on frumpy and fierce – I decided I didn’t want to do that either! Other programs showed older women as overly sexy and desperate for attention from a man. Voluptuous boobs were everywhere! It seemed to me that women fell into one of two possible categories. They either looked sexy and were, therefore, playthings or were unattractive and thus unimportant.

This played a significant part in my developing anorexia by the age of 11. As my boobs grew, it scared the life out of me that my body was fitting into the Benny Hill girl image. I wanted no part of it! Body types and the role they had to play in society seemed decided. So, growing into a woman of any age scared me.

How does reality compare to some of these perceptions?

Before the age of 17, I saw my mum and aunties (see picture) through rose-tinted glasses. They were perfect—beautiful and flawless. They were also fascinating to me because they defied the stereotypes linked with body image that I had picked up on. Curvy, slim, but smart and independent. My young brain couldn’t work out how come TV, film and magazines didn’t represent these wonderful women. Were they that exceptional?

One holiday my mum (in her 40’s by then and mother to 5 children—including baby twins) stood proudly on the beach in her little bikini, chasing after her babies with her stretch marks and soft belly for all to see—and I thought ‘I want to be like that.’ Not that I wanted to have a soft post-baby belly, but it was her confidence I was after.

It turned out, of course, that she wasn’t feeling as confident as she seemed, but she put aside her perceived body flaws and threw herself into the joy of the day! I felt love and pride, I still do, when I think of her that day on the beach.

How did motherhood transform your body image?

Motherhood healed me. It really did. For the first time, my body was about to play a part in something so much more important than any image. I felt proud of what my body could do. I could relax with my eating, and that was a relief after 10 years of anxiety.

I loved watching my body swell with our baby growing bigger every day. It was a transformative experience for me. I could be big, and it was because of something utterly wonderful (and not just because I wanted to eat).

As a mother to two children, I stopped obsessing so much. I had better things to worry about. My body bounced back, and I was generally happy with my weight.

TV and adverts still annoyed me sometimes, but my anorexic brain had hushed. The need to look or not look like an idealized body image and the role given to them has subsided to a large degree.

What, if any, negative attitudes about your body have you let go of as you’ve matured? In other words, what are some ways in which you feel more radiant and comfortable in your own skin now than when you were younger?

It’s a wonderful thing that when you get older, you learn to accept much more than felt ever possible as a younger woman. I now understand that I was built to be curvy and I was never meant to be statuesque – and that being curvy doesn’t need to mean you are at the ‘tarty’ side of the spectrum! There is room for all body shapes and all characters’ personal wants and needs along side them.

It’s OK to have flaws—most women have them, many from a young age. Many are earnt, like the stretch marks from motherhood and scars from operations. But others are just from aging, and what a privilege that is!

Beauty is more than how you look. My mum on the beach that day was really beautiful to me. She looked pretty great in her bikini actually, but she was also beautiful because she was a happy and confident mum.

In what ways has your relationship with food changed over time?

I have always loved food. Even when it was my enemy during anorexia, I’ve always loved well-cooked food. I think I was born a foodie. But now it has become one of my best friends!

It’s the thing that constantly brings my family together. It’s how we show our love and what we share more than anything else. It’s the first thing we discuss when we plan to get together. It has the power to heal us when we are sick. I truly believe in that.

I also believe if you have a passion for food, you have a passion for life itself.

What advice would you want to give your younger self with the wisdom you now have?

I have often said to my husband (of 28 years) if only my younger self could have seen all this, I would have worried so much less. By all this, I mean my family, home, dogs, the laughter, the love.

All that time and energy I wasted on worrying that my body shape was the wrong one and how it would be perceived. Now, I’ve seen so many body fashions come and go it means very little to me. After the London Olympics, I noticed how the ‘ideal woman’ became more muscular. Women were expected to be superwomen. How can anyone fit these ideals?!

If only I knew how wonderful it could be to let it all go. Not that I have any ambition to be tubby, unhealthy or unfit. No, that’s not it at all. I still want to be the best version of myself. I will always be curvy, and I will always want to be healthy.

As an older woman, feeling happy and healthy means so much more to me than striving to be the current body fashion or changing my natural shape too much.